An ongoing relationship we will always have is with our higher Self. Some people call our higher Self The Buddha Within or God as in 'The Kingdom of Heaven is within you.' Whether it's The Universe or Lord Shiva, relate this entry with whatever Higher Power you believe in while reading.
Enlightenment and Peace comes when we learn Self-love. The mind can be trained into Self-love by being shown, over and over, that the higher Self is a safe haven of love and protection. It is kind of a circular process:
It’s normal to notice a difference between the equanimity and silence of your Self when you are alone, and your Self when you are in the rough and tumble of interpersonal relationships. When we are interacting with others, our emotions and beliefs are activated. This triggers our old patterns that are in sympathy with those feelings. Instead of bringing present awareness to the situation we may find that we are thinking and acting based on our past conditioning. We may see a former spouse or a parent, and instantly our feelings, Self-esteem and Self-talk reverts back to that former time and relationship.
The first step toward freedom from the tyranny of past conditioning is exactly what you have stated—a recognition that your Self-love diminishes when you are with others. Just being aware that it is occurring helps awaken your silent witness and that presence of pure consciousness is what will eventually overwrite these old thinking patterns. As you notice doubts and Self-sabotaging thoughts come up, you don’t need to try to stop them or resist them. Don’t pile additional blame on yourself for going through the same feelings of powerlessness again and again either. This isn’t the past, this is Now. If you need to, observe and go into those feelings as well, to break the emotional grip.
Bringing an easy sense of nonjudgmental watchfulness to the situation will correct these pathogenic patterns over time. You don’t need to try to conjure up a sense of Self-love in the midst of the situation either. Be neutral and natural and allow the real character of Self-love to unfold like the petals of a blooming rose. The Self is your essential nature, you don’t need to do anything for it to express its quality of love except get your old thinking out of the way. When you do, it will naturally shine forth.
Portions have been adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra, (Three Rivers Press, 1997)
